I am always trying to propel forward, think forward, be positive, but I just feel like every step forward is always two steps backwards.

There's the ying and the yang, and I feel like one is being left to die while the other prospers. So there's this big imbalance where too much ostentation occurs. Leads to stress, sadness, anger, sorrow, what ever. Yeah the power of the one side could lead to great things but at the same time it could easily swallow you whole and that ultimately is the greatest loss. Not saying you shouldn't live but, I need so much regiment to be happy it's unreal.

Perhaps they're not meant to be mixed. They're separated for a reason and when ever they start to mix they turn into this gray color that is a result of this overbearing idealist persona. Greyness could stand for any number of issues.

I think one issue could stem from a serious love of writing which in some way is just listening to the sound of my own voice talk. No great artist grew to great heights by listening to themselves talk, at least not until editing time.

What I am trying to get at is, life is so finite, and every day I can't help but feel like I've lost or misplaced some hope or dream that I should currently be enjoying. I think it's all a learned act, to some extent. With the amount I talk, I wouldn't take anything too seriously.

If a person was lost in a land of morons I am sure he would bludgeon his head to be like them, else always feel the pain of separation.