I am 100% finished on the forum 

I'll still contribute art or whatever but my days racking up post counts are gone 

I am totally going to draw something soon like you know? you'll see, and stuff.

Imagine if you will for one second, IF, you decided to do something devotional, or you were going to a devotional site, and along the way, YOU DECIDED TO PARTY, as if ... christening your... great sacrifice. You sir, would be a douche. You show up, hung over, reaking of puke and piss, and don't act like you didn't know, you did.

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For being a friend who not only entertains me when I am bored and lonely, but for being a person who listens entirely when there's no one else around who wanted to listen. Not many people have time to listen or care ;-)

http://youtu.be/_cNOGHWkDs8

also upbeat: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen /448229

I am in the middle of buying stuff, yes that's right, stuff.

But I am so choked up on expenses that I can't afford what I want (okay I am getting a little greedy and I'm going for the Cadillac of purchases here).

Yes, there's faster laptops on the market than their counterpart apple BUT they're just not as well designed and they come with so much preloaded software and junk that it just doesn't tickle my fancy. After owning an iphone I dare say I have a love affair with apple now. Even if they are flash prejudice on their tablets.

So, I am trying to buy a $2000 mac laptop but then i'm like hey, this thing is bulky as shit, it's the size of a horses penis what the fuck. It's powerful, and it is beautiful but I want the extra strength without the extra weight.

I'm thinking about banking my resources and buying all my necessary shit this month like my plain tickets (the sure thing) and buying the laptop next month when optimistically I should have more money.

I am going to the denver meet up to get super plastered with psycho and amigos so that should be a blast. I will have to pre-drink before this to set my liver straight and remind it who's boss.

RG is going to be down until I get a place unless PG some how manifests a suitable solution. But damn I will be making some tunes as soon as this mac gets purchased.

Getting your ducks all in a row is always a fancy affair.

I am always trying to propel forward, think forward, be positive, but I just feel like every step forward is always two steps backwards.

There's the ying and the yang, and I feel like one is being left to die while the other prospers. So there's this big imbalance where too much ostentation occurs. Leads to stress, sadness, anger, sorrow, what ever. Yeah the power of the one side could lead to great things but at the same time it could easily swallow you whole and that ultimately is the greatest loss. Not saying you shouldn't live but, I need so much regiment to be happy it's unreal.

Perhaps they're not meant to be mixed. They're separated for a reason and when ever they start to mix they turn into this gray color that is a result of this overbearing idealist persona. Greyness could stand for any number of issues.

I think one issue could stem from a serious love of writing which in some way is just listening to the sound of my own voice talk. No great artist grew to great heights by listening to themselves talk, at least not until editing time.

What I am trying to get at is, life is so finite, and every day I can't help but feel like I've lost or misplaced some hope or dream that I should currently be enjoying. I think it's all a learned act, to some extent. With the amount I talk, I wouldn't take anything too seriously.

If a person was lost in a land of morons I am sure he would bludgeon his head to be like them, else always feel the pain of separation.

There are few moments that make a person happy, what are they?

Fighting, sex, thinking about fighting and thinking about sex ;)

besides that maybe a good book, meditation, having a drink or two, and drawing/painting.

Institutions provide great learning and social atmospheres but they're not always necessary to be happy.

Can you be "too" happy?

Studies say yes. Thousands of gifted children were studied in the last century, those who tested to be the most happy, tended to live the shortest lives. The happy hormone caused stress and fatigue, reducing stability and sobriety.

What makes you happy? Obviously you can't fight and drink all the time otherwise you'd be missing all your teeth and just as many braincells. Just the same you can't fuck every one either.

don't go out and fight some one recklessly that could land you an assault charge which will be on your recooord for eevvveerrrrrr (fucking cop record systems I tell ya)

So have we concluded that being happy is bad for you?

extra credit

I smoked weed while I was drunk last night and it ruined my whole night. I started over thinking, I became restless, I stopped talking and being social, and while I did have some creative thoughts they were kind of forced.

I noticed that I immediately had negative reaction in my stomach/intestine area of all places. It made me feel weak and out of it, spaced out. "High" if you will.

I've smoked weed for years, you'll see in my very first flashes that there's weed signs all over the place, but i've recently quit and after having do so I am pretty much certain that I never really want to smoke it again.

Maybe eat pot cookies or something but that's about it.

I seen some one I know the night he died. He wasn't well, I didn't help him because I thought "he'll be OK, he just needs sleep"

I feel like shit because i could of saved his life. He died of a drug overdose that night. =/